Please don't stop the music.

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

okayy.
this is so maddening.
i dont know whether it is my computer or blogger.
but the posting thing has a problem.
and now i cant change to any other font.
or size, for that matter.
so full of crap.
that's so blogger.

anyways.
life at school is like a chore.
im not like.
yay. i get to go to school and meet my friends anymore.
its more like.
oh crap.
there's school today.
and anyway.
what good is there to go to school if i dont have any friends.
like, zilch. none.
that true friends part valerie said in her post.
then it make me think of my primary school.
and how much i miss it.
and how i know that i cant go back there again.
and how i have to let that go.

then i go to think about my friendless situation.
most likely, its my own problem.
like.
the more you find perfection in others, the lonelier you will be.
like. maybe i cant expect much from them.
and i cant get them to do what i want them to do.
to be what i want them to be.
but that's just not me.

i've always felt like there was this other person inside me.
(okay, i got that from high school musical)
but seriously.
i cant be myself anywhere.
maybe its just they cant accept me for who i am.
n maybe im just too conscious of that.
perhaps not talking to anybody for a while can help.
to shut myself off from the rest of the world.
or the class, not the world.
not face the confusion.
but i have to face it sooner or later.
just not now.
not when i cant let go of the past.
and how my self esteem is at an all time low.
because of all the things people say to get at me.

i know i cant let that get to me.
but i just cant act like im impervious to all this.
because again, i just have to accept that fact.
the fact that nobody actually cares about my existence.

and im sick of it all.
im sick of how the world works.
does it have to be like this?
how everybody says that the world is a cruel place.
and that we have to accept it.
cant we change it?
cant we shape the world into our own?
so that there are lesser problems in the world?

cause im sick of how people do things for their own benefits.
its like a war is being fought between people.
to fight for their own benefits.
to go through any ways and means to get what they want.
and to sabotage other people.
i mean. this is like cowardice to the fullest extent.
if u want to do something, just declare it.
its not like i will come at you with a chopper.
or a gun.
cause i wont even be able to get those into school.

oh i wrote so much.
at least i got a load off my shoulders.
now they're much lighter.
more carefree.
and i need my sleeping time.
i guess im getting old.
i cant stay awake for too long anymore.
I NEED MY SLEEP.
so bye then.

daNIel

10:12 PM