Please don't stop the music.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

It seems like ages ago that I was here.

So I've just got lots of things on my mind. Basically, I have to admit that I'm freaking out over mid-years/prelims/o levels. It's like, I know I'm not going to be able to do well for it but I want to do well but I can't remember anything but I really want to try but I don't have any motivation to do so. It's tiring to think about so much in a day. I think I really need to have some kind of schedule and stop believing in spontaneity or 'whatever will be will be' (which just rings Que Sara Sara in my head). The problem with people like me is that I get so confused about what to do that nothing gets accomplished. It's sad. Bottom line is, I need to have structure in my life.

I also thought about how I'm presenting myself to people. It's like this self-conscious thing that is so overwhelming. I don't think I can reach a stage where I'm going, "Who cares what everyone else thinks" right now. I can be so conscious about what people think of me that it's annoying. Well, most of the time I'm not noticed anyway so I guess that's okay in some point. Also, I keep thinking about the kind of friends I have. I constantly think about what I'm saying to them and how I say it, and who I'm not saying anything to. I don't know, maybe secondary school just isn't the place for me.

Anyway, I think it was during CEP lesson or something and I don't know how the topic came about but I was telling Bernard that slitting your wrist doesn't do anything at all. His face was just like "Huh" when I said I've done it before. That was stupid. I adore Susan Boyle, I was practically narrating the entire video to Bernard because I've seen it many times already. Though her voice isn't stunning, I guess her popularity stems from the fact that she doesn't look the part at all. Or maybe the British media are just exaggerating on this. It's quite ridiculous.

Every single week I have to think about the increasing amount of Chinese homework that I still have left to do. It's annoying, yet I still have to do it no matter what if I even want to have any chance of getting an A. It was funny when she threatened that she would minus 5-20 marks away from our overall marks if we didn't hand in the homework. I mean, without any deductions, I'm already failing. So the thought of having to deduct 5-20 from my current score is hilarious. More so in Bernard's case.

I don't know what's right and what's real anymore
And I don't know how I'm meant to feel anymore
And when do you think it will all become clear?
'Cause I'm being taken over by the fear

Lily Allen looks like an innocent girl but swears so much. Female British singers are all unique in some way. Look at Amy Winehouse. I like her songs and I don't care if she wants to run around half naked (though I honestly don't want to see any of that).

So anyway, friday was Speech Day and I'm just honestly thankful for the Borders Gift Card because I was praying so hard that it wouldn't be for Popular. I even went to Borders like two weeks ago and wrote down books that I wanted to buy so it's like fate that it turned out this way. The twins' envelopes must be really heavy if they get a gift card for each award. Either way, they should donate some to me because they look like they already have enough books.

2:20 AM

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Okay so it's been a really long time already, I guess?

Updates: My leg is healing (yay!), though Ms See did say that sometimes the swollen part never goes *EGAD!*, Mid-years are coming and I still owe WJP tons of homework -.- That is simply retarded. Speaking of retarded, I just realised that people say lots of stupid things. For instance,

Me: You should use those environmentally-friendly lightbulbs that save energy.
Mum: *horrified face* ENVIRONMENT?!

I'm very in a philosophical mood now so I just remembered certain quotes.

The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good. - Samuel Johnson

Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear. - Princess Diaries (the movie)

I wouldn't completely agree with the second one but I guess there're different definitions. It's all subjective. I honestly don't know what to blog about since the past four days I didn't do anything. Except to go out to Bugis and Orchard with my sister. I caught Hadley and Eunice in Bugis dating! :O And they were holding hands! Nah, but Hadley really was in Bugis and left after I reached there -.- With who, I don't know. Don't get jealous, Eunice. I really don't like Bugis. I don't like anywhere that's crowded with teenagers. I just don't like crowded places. I was complaining to my sister about Bugis and Cineleisure and places like that.

I'm getting so irritated everyday. Ugh. Only JieJun knows why but I think I can write it here. My cousin's irritating me. It's like, you can't imagine how high my blood pressure has gone already. Phuck. I think JieJun's really irritated by me complaining to him. Haha.

Dang I have to go get my homework done already. Tomorrow's school and I'm not looking forward to it one bit. Sad.

11:18 PM